Learn How to Accept Yourself, The Rest Will Follow

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accept yourselfI spent my entire twenties overweight and out of shape. I was a young mother, stressed and overwhelmed with life. I never lost the weight I gained with each pregnancy, and I spent the majority of my time hating my body.

Every so often, I would lose weight, and would feel a temporary happiness. But every single time, before I knew it, I would self-sabotage and end up right back where I started.

About 3 years ago, through a series of life-changing events, I got very serious about my health. This time it wasn’t about looking good, I just knew that something needed to change because I was sick of feeling tired and old at only 30-something. I was able to slowly adopt a healthy lifestyle that eventually led to me dropping 30 pounds of fat, gaining an athletic physique, and being in the best shape of my entire life.

Here is the plan I followed to get ripped.

The Happiness Was Temporary

You would think after all of that that I would have been happy. And I was, temporarily. The first time I tried on a certain size dress, the first time I wore a two-piece to the beach, seeing pictures of myself that I didn’t hate – it was all good; temporarily. But my focus shifted back to how I looked.  I became so wrapped up in it all over again. Sure, I had a six pack now, but my thighs still had cellulite. I saw only the flaws that remained. I studied photos of super-fit women with cut muscles, and even though I myself had gotten down to only 13% body fat, I wanted more. I wanted to look just like the girls in the pictures. I pushed myself too hard, I beat myself up mentally, and again began the self-sabotaging of my past. I started to hate myself, again.

Around the same time, I became interested in making fitness and nutrition my career. I began the process of getting certifications, and learned about how to help other people. In the process, I ended up helping myself more than anyone.

Self-Hatred Has No Place in Health

I realized that to get myself healthy means to love my body enough to treat it with the utmost respect and give it the nutrition and exercise that it needs and deserves. I realized that fat is just fat…it doesn’t define me, it doesn’t mean I’m a bad person, it doesn’t make me less than anyone else. It is a substance on my body that only says I have stored calories.

I realized that if I screw up and eat a cookie…even if I eat an entire bag of cookies…this does not mean anything about me. It’s a mistake that I learn valuable lessons from. I no longer wallow in self-loathing when I mess up. I no longer pick myself apart in the mirror. Just this weekend I put on a dress and thanked the universe that I am finally comfortable in my own skin. It feels amazing. And it didn’t come with losing weight, it didn’t come with getting fit or reaching a level of body fat percentage, it came from learning to love and accept me…at every stage, every weight, every size.

Here are 10 ways to build self-confidence and love what you see in the mirror.

The Aesthetics Will Follow

If you want to transform your body, do it because you love it, because you want to feel good, because you want to live longer. The aesthetics will follow as a nice bonus.

When you can look in the mirror and love and accept what you see, only then can you start the lifelong process of taking care of your body. Anger and hatred will get you nowhere but backwards and stuck. Love and acceptance will be the tools to move you forward.

We live in a judgmental society that pushes ideals on women. Lately the trend has been towards athletic bodies, “strong is the new skinny” as they say.  How many of us sit around and stare at pictures of hard bodies, thin bodies, whatever it is that we think we *should* be because society deems it so. Stop doing it! Look at yourself as a project with goals, and don’t compare yourself to anyone else out there. Don’t let other people’s ideals cause you to hate yourself.

Be the best you, the healthiest you. Treat yourself with love and respect in everything you do, and the rest will follow.

MUST READ: The Definitive Guide for How to Lose Weight
FREE EBOOK: The 10 Forgotten Rules of Weight Loss
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About Deanna Schober

Deanna Schober is the owner of IntelliFit Coaching, a PN certified nutrition consultant, mom of 3, wife, coffee lover, former overweight processed food junkie who learned to love healthy living and self-care.

  • http://www.sdfgarcia.blogspot.com StephanieG

    Great article, Deanna! I’ve been following you from afar for years and have loved watching your evolution. This article is a brilliant read, whether you’re a size 2 or a size 22.

    • Deanna Schober

      Thank you Stephanie :) xo

  • http://gethealthygenesis.com Wendy Bottrell

    Great post! Good reminder that loving you is the best health you can give yourself. And it is very true that loving and respecting yourself first everything else will follow. Thanks again, Wendy

    • Deanna Schober

      Thank you Wendy!

  • Jacki

    Well said…very well said.

    • Deanna Schober

      Thanks girl xoxo

  • elaine

    Really good advice , this is something I have struggled with myself I lost 80 pounds over 4 years ago and have kept the weight off but have really battled with myself and self destructive behaviour and low self esteem. When i was overweight I assumed that happiness would come as soon as I lost the weight but I still struggle with self acceptance and comparing myself with others, Instead of numbers im now trying to focus on fitness and happiness its a long process but I definately want to do the work :) )

    • Deanna Schober

      Thank you Elaine. It is tough to do, many times weight gain is the result of low self-esteem anyways and by losing weight we sometimes are only treating the symptom, not the problem. Good luck to you!!

  • Lisa

    Your article makes sense, but it is not that easy. I am currently working on loosing weight and have lost 30 pounds so far. Just like you said, I was very happy when that happened, but it was short lived. I am plateauing right now and extremely discouraged. I am disgusted every time I look in the mirror. My question…How do you suggest that one learns to love their body after a lifetime of hating it?

    • Deanna Schober

      Lisa you’re right, it’s not easy…at all. I struggle less and less, but I still struggle. It is a daily habit that you have to practice, like brushing your teeth or even exercise. Even if you don’t believe it, practice accepting yourself everyday and before you know it, you’ll start to believe it. It also really helps me to picture myself as one of my daughters, and I imagine what I would say to them if they were in my position. They are so much more to me than just what they look like, and I deserve the same compassion from myself that I give to them.
      When you look in the mirror, instead of finding your flaws, look for the things that you do accept and focus on those. Focus on how good it feels to exercise and eat nutritious food and how much energy you give yourself by doing that. It takes time but you can do it!
      Good luck to you xo
      D

  • becky

    Good stuff, but what do you do if you have family in your life that doesn’t celebrate your victories with you and likes to remind you that your body isn’t the way it used to be? I had a baby August 2011 and the only person in my life that should support me in my weight loss journey, doesn’t. It’s a HUGE struggle for me to get over that in my mind and not let it effect what I see in the mirror. I am trying to learn to love myself no matter what but that’s so hard when those negative voices are around and I can’t do anything to make them get out of my life.

    • Deanna Schober

      Becky, I’m so sorry to hear that you don’t have support around you. That does make it so much more difficult. But it also makes it that much more important to tune it out, take the power away from that voice that is negative. Easier said than done, I know. It has taken me a LONG time and a LOT of work to realize that other people’s criticisms of me have EVERYTHING to do with them and their insecurities and internal judgements of themselves and NOTHING to do with me….I am just the projection. If you can think about that and really let it sink in, it will help when comments are directed at you.
      What would you tell your baby if he/she were grown and struggling with self-esteem or weight? Would you accept them no matter what? Try to extend that same compassion to yourself and like I told Lisa above, with practice everyday it will eventually become second nature.
      I’ve had 3 babies and my body will never be what it was when I was 18, but that’s ok….because this body brought me my babies. And that’s pretty freaking amazing, right???
      Good luck, I hope it gets better for you.
      xo

      • becky

        Thank you Deanna! That really does help. I often forget that people’s criticisms have nothing to do with me. You are right. I would do everything I could to make sure my baby girl never has to struggle with a negative self image or negative self talk. Yes, our babies are AMAZING. I don’t regret one pound now that I have my little girl in my life.

        xo

  • Kathy

    Thanks for this article Deanna!

    I struggled too for years after my first husband and I separated. I gained 25 pounds, and was depressed. The breaking point was when I looked at my kids (whom I had young, like you did) and I knew that I wanted to be healthy and more energetic for them. I lost 45 lbs in 6 months, and kept it off for 2 years. I felt healthier, and even though I had stretch marks and cellulite, who cares…I am a mom! This was 9 years ago. I met my now husband 7 years ago, and we have a 4 year old now. I am again watching what I eat and been exercising to be healthy for my toddler now. I am 37 years old, and won’t lose the weight as fast as when I was 28, or never be the same size as when I was 18…and never want to be. I am happy with what I have accomplished so far in my journey, and have some more stretch marks to add to my canvas. I call them “experience marks” and they are worth it!

    • Deanna Schober

      I love this Kathy…congrats! “Experience marks”…love it!

  • http://adayinthelifeofacrazymom.blogspot.com Debbie

    Great article Deanna. I love how you put everything into perspective. I had struggled with the same thing for years as well. And the only way I turned to negative self talk around was to do exactly like you said, and focus on the positive. Its hard to do but it really does work. Thanks for putting this out there for everyone to read. WE all need a reminder like this.

  • Denise

    LOVE THIS! And you are right – you have to love yourself before you love anything else that goes with it. :)

  • Niamh

    This article describes my relationship with food and my body sssssssoooooooooo well !
    I’ve had two children with a big time gap between them and I’m really struggling to lose the weight
    after having my second child. I’m going to use this article to help motivate me!
    Thank you.

  • Renita Adams

    Loved, loved this!

  • kaz

    Thank you for this article it has come at the perfect time for me as after years of self loathing and unrealistic weight loss regimes I am starting off now to find a sustainable healthy approach to my body weight and overall health, we need more of this common sense practical advice to how and what we should be focussing on

  • niafolla

    I know I have struggled immensely with my body image and what I can do and I think this is what made me be 70-80lbs overweight because you end up in a cycle of self hatred. You hate yourself for your body so you diet (the extreme way) and attempt the weekend warrior thing and get hurt. Then you hate yourself for not succeeding be it athletically or with the diet so you eat en end up worse off than where you started.

    I finally began loving myself for me and in the first year i lost 10 lbs with no diet and workout plan. When I finally found myself able to follow a plan without being self destructive i really got going in 3 months i have lost 20 lbs. I now feel great because i am doing it well ….healthy eating and gym 5-6 days a week but limited at an hour. No weekend warrior anymore but I look and feel great. Another 50 lbs to loose but i definitely enjoyed these last 20 so more fun ahead.

    • http://www.coachcalorie.com/ Deanna Schober

      Congrats!!! That is awesome!!

  • http://www.coachcalorie.com/ Deanna Schober

    Thank you Stephanie for sharing this!