The typical person decides that they are FINALLY going to do something about their extra fat or unhealthy eating habits. They pick a start date, usually Monday, and spend every minute up until then eating the foods they won’t be able to eat after Monday.
They say “goodbye” to them, making sure they get one last indulgence of everything they will miss. They buy all the food that they think is healthy for them and stock their pantry with it in preparation for the big life change.
They go to bed dreading eating a vegetable omelet for breakfast instead of their usual sugary cereal. They shiver at the thought of salad at lunch instead of take out. But it must be done! It will be for the best and all the struggling and starvation will be worth it in the end. Right?
The I Can’t Diet
But then Monday comes, and they sit down to their vegetable omelet. Yuck. All they think about is the cereal they can’t have, and that is all they want. This tastes nothing like cereal, I don’t care how healthy it is, they think to themselves.
By lunch they have spent the entire morning grouchy and angry. “Why can’t I just eat the foods I love and lose weight? It’s so unfair!” They pick at their lunch salad. Disgusting. They think fondly of this past weekend, when they so freely enjoyed pepperoni pizza. It was so cheesy and wonderful. They can’t believe that they’ll NEVER get to eat pizza again.
When co-workers ask them to come enjoy birthday cake in the break room, they say “I can’t. I’m on a diet.” They grumble to themselves how this diet is ruining their lives and how miserable they are.
They complain to anyone who will listen about how all they want is a freakin’ ice cream sandwich! But they can’t. Ice cream sandwiches are in the “never again” column. They can’t eat them or they’ll never lose weight.
Somehow, the foods they can’t eat seem to smell even better than before, seem to look that much more delectable. They’re up on this illustrious pedestal, and only the lucky people get to eat them and not gain weight.
This continues for a bit. Some might give up after a day, maybe a week, maybe they even force themselves to lose some weight. But it’s never permanent, because they are always faced with the foods they “can’t” eat at parties, social gatherings, restaurants, and stores. It’s a completely negative experience that they can’t wait, subconsciously, to get out of.
The mentality of “can’t” creates a perspective from the dieter that they are missing out on something great. They can’t join in the fun. They aren’t worthy of it. They’re left out.
The Power of “I Don’t”
Now change the phrase from “I can’t” to “I don’t”. Suddenly, the phrase takes on a completely different philosophy. “I don’t eat that” implies control, leaving something behind that isn’t good, a belief that you abide by.
Instead of feeling like you’re being left out of a big party that everyone else can participate in, you feel like you’re making the choice, like you know something that the rest of them don’t know and are in full control of your habits.
So now, when breakfast time comes, you’re not thinking about the things you can’t eat. You can really taste the vegetable omelet for what it is, because you’re not comparing it to the cereal on the pedestal (which didn’t actually taste all that awesome, now that you think about it).
Maybe it’s not so bad, and I bet with some added spices or even some chicken, it would be even better! You are now able to focus on the things you CAN eat that you actually enjoy!
At cake time, when asked to join in on the birthday celebration, you join but bring your own healthy snack. When the cake is passed around, you say “Thanks, but I don’t eat sweets”. You feel in control of your choice, you feel intelligent, and the person who passed you the cake wonders what you know that they don’t.
The memories of the junk food you left behind are fading because you aren’t focused on them as something you want but can’t have. They’re beneath you. You only treat your body with respect and feed it the foods that make it healthy.
The Can’t mentality makes the junk food positive and the diet negative. The Don’t mentality achieves the exact opposite. Don’t is a definitive statement that won’t be questioned by you or those around you.
Changing from “I Can’t” to “I Don’t” puts YOU in control and gives you a belief system to abide by rather than a rule to follow. Try it with a habit that you are trying to change and see how it feels.
What are your “I Don’t’s”? Do you have a rule for food?
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that was my manta yesterday and forever i dont not i cant
!!
Yay!! Feels good doesn’t it!
I say “I don’t…” often. I find it interesting that many people try to talk me out of my “I don’ts”.
That is interesting…good for you for sticking with it anyways!
if it is any consolation whatsoever even if the ‘I Can’t” stems from a health related issue, people question the why not all the time. And trust me the results of eating some things is not a pleasant conversation for dinner nor something you really want to talk about as it can be embarrassing….I mean really, do they NEED to know that eating certain things will cause a yeast infection or terrible gas or abdominal pain or arthritis pain or whatever?????really??
I mean, what better way than to get them to mind their own business than to answer with “Because it gives me vicious gas!” LOL They might think twice next time!
Beth…I have all of those symptoms…yeast, gas, pain, arthritis, . What are these foods that I need to avoid?
I love this idea and will try it. What has helped me most is when faced with the dreaded office birthday cake or pizza etc is to look at it and ask myself…do I really really want it? If the answer is yes..I go ahead and just go back to good choices later…after it stops tasting amazing I quit eating it. I have lost 90 pounds this year and this has been the biggest thing to help me. Dont mindlessly eat..make sure its worth it if the choice is a bad one. But dont over deny yourself either..it just makes you grouchy and miserable to be around.
This is a really great strategy Michelle. Thanks for sharing your experience.
I read articles like this on tips for eating healthy and weightloss that aren’t that beneficial but this really makes sense. Seems so simple yet powerful. Thanks!
You’re welcome, I’m glad it makes sense!
This works! I’ve used it a number of times this week and it has really helped! Thank yo so very much for this tip!!! 🙂
Oh that’s great! I’m so glad it helped.
I’ve been having the hardest time staying away from alcohol (I’m in grad school and going out is a pretty unavoidable part of the culture). This attitude will hopefully help.
Good luck!
Fortunately for me, my least favorite cake is Red-Velvet cake. And it seems everyone else LOVE’S it, and that’s all that anyone seems to bring into the office for b-day parties, so I naturally have a built-in excuse. Now, if it’s Carrot Cake or any other spice cake with cream cheese frosting. I need to run a pop a piece of really strong-minty gum in my mouth right away, ’cause that’s another story.
Mint gum really helps.
I personally think that as far as what to say when someone offers you something on your personal no-no list is simply saying “no thanks” and leaving it at that. As far as why? First of all, if I don’t (or can’t) eat something specific, I don’t feel I owe anyone an explanation as to why and I don’t want to invite others to ask me for one. Both “I can’t” and “I don’t” prompt people to ask you about why, even if they don’t care and are only doing it out of politeness.
Also, I don’t find that people react to “I don’t” by wondering what the magic secret is that I know and they don’t. They feel like I’m being pompous and trying to present myself as better than they are somehow and I understand that, to be honest. The wording of the statement is actually really exclusionary both on the receiving end and the giving end. “No thanks” is exactly that — a casual, respectful way to turn down food you don’t want that doesn’t isolate anyone else.
The thing is people really don’t care what others do and don’t eat unless they’re completely obsessed with food and they won’t bother you about your choices unless you invite them to as I said. At least that’s always been my experience.
I had a “wake up call” today while going shopping for jeans. I knew that I had gained about 25-30 lbs in 2 years since I’d quit smoking, but I hadn’t really noticed the change in my body until trying on clothes in the stores. I had always grown up “skinny mini” and could eat anything and everything and not gain a pound. Now…not so much. Anyway…this “I can’t” and “I don’t” thing really sounds like it may work! I’m going to try my hardest, as my 13 year old sits next to me eating a bowl of my favorite ice cream. 😉 Thanks in advance for any support! 🙂